Welcome to the third installment of a weekly contribution to the site by my husband, Thomas: ChasingRabbits. In case you missed the first one, why Chasing Rabbits? My husband will be the first to admit that his thought process can be a bit…er…random. He starts in one spot, chases after some rabbits, sometimes all the way down the rabbit hole and back, but it
mostly usually always ends in a great place. But don’t take my word for it…
The cast of “Armageddon” brought it up and I have to agree that animal crackers are not really crackers but more like cookies. So I propose that we call them crackies. I can see for some how this might cause confusion, or even funny looks the first time you proposition somebody for crackies. But all trends start out kinda weird, right?
I admit I am not a trendsetter and honestly I haven’t liked any of the new fashions, ever. Not even when I was a teenager. Every year it becomes increasingly more difficult to find a pair of simple, relaxed fit blue jeans. I don’t want holes in them. I don’t want them faded, or bleach marks, or designs, or glitter, or rhinestones or whatever the hell is in style this week. I want plain, colored t-shirts. Not a tribute to popular celebrities, or a statement of my political beliefs, or a pun involving teenage jargon or profanity.
I have gained a little weight since I got married. Around 50 pounds actually. But I have noticed that as shirt sizes go up they only get wider, not taller. So I have all these XL dress shirts that swallow me around the midsection but barely tuck in my pants. Of course the buttons stop a good 6 inches before the bottom of the shirt so as you move around two sides separate and your belly button comes out to play peek-a-boo.
Our youngest daughter loves to play peek-a-boo. Sure she’s not doing it in the traditional way, but she loves it! She covers HER eyes with both hands, peeks through her fingers and once YOU have said “peek-a-boo!” she will throw her hands out to the side while smiling and screeching.
I read something online a couple years back about a “Saved by the Bell” reunion.
Apparently the actor who played Screech was not invited. I am assuming because they did not agree with the way he has lived his adult life. But they went so far as to Photoshop him out of the cast picture and omit his name from the cast. If they had just left the picture alone and credited him as a cast member it would have probably gone over as a non-issue that the actor was not there. But people love to make a statement, even if it gains them nothing. Who knows, perhaps the negative publicity spurred people to go and purchase the series. Consumers are easy targets, after all.
As a man I have a different opinion on clothing and makeup than my wife. I am against the makeup industry because I don’t believe women should have to smear that expensive stuff all over their faces to feel pretty. There was an episode of “Fresh Prince” where Will wanted to marry his girlfriend. They got trapped in the basement one night after an earthquake and as it got hotter the girl started to show her true self. She took out her contacts, which were colored green. Will had fallen in love with her green eyes and was shocked. Her fake hair extensions were out. She removed her fake lashes. She broke off her fake fingernails trying to open something. She looked like a completely different person at this point.
I get a little confused sometimes when trying to figure out the Harry Potter universe. If polyjuice potion can transform you into somebody well enough to fool the entire Hogwarts faculty, for a large stretch of time, why isn’t it the most popular drink in existence? Why can’t Dumbledore, who is the most powerful and respected wizard in existence, tell that he just employed a convicted Death Eater to teach defense against the dark arts? Why isn’t the brewing of it outlawed or at least restricted? These are important questions! Think of how much fun identity thieves could have with a batch of this stuff!
I have never been the victim of identity theft, but I have been a victim of mistaken identity. Actually I wasn’t the victim at all, I was the bad guy and didn’t even know it.
I was working in advertising for a daily newspaper and I started getting weird phone calls. They would tell the receptionist they were looking for Thomas and she would send me the calls, but they would address me with a different last name…let’s say Smith. So finally after a week of getting several phone calls per day I went around the building to see if anybody knew Thomas Smith.
While conducting my full scale investigation, somebody tells me that Thomas Smith died last year and had worked in distribution. So the next time I get a phone call, I tell the caller Thomas Smith is dead and hang up. And the next time, and the next time. Eventually the phone calls stop. A couple months later I discover that there had really been a guy named Thomas Smith who was a route carrier and the people who kept calling me were his mortgage company and realtor. Apparently Thomas was trying to buy a house and had listed the newspaper office for his daytime contact number. I felt horrible. I kept telling everybody that this man was dead. I hope he got the mortgage!
Got a good snack idea or just want to talk about 80s TV? No judging here, so feel free to share all the crazy talk with us that you want in the comments section!
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