My husband is a funny guy. Sometimes on purpose, sometimes because he does something inadvertently wacky and has the ability to laugh at himself. We laugh a lot around here, usually at each other, and mostly at our kids. I firmly believe the two best reasons to have kids is they make you laugh and they can do chores. Eventually.
Yesterday, my husband made a funny comment about his junk. I promised him I wouldn’t publicize it on social media (aren’t I a great wife?), but it got me to thinking about all the ways he is really funny. On purpose. Here’s a list of 10 reasons my husband is funnier than all those crazy kitten videos people love to watch.
1. He has the right attitude about mealtime.
Dinnertime, watching the kids enjoy their angel hair pasta and rotisserie chicken.
Hubs: See, this proves that humans were meant to eat pasta.
Me: What are you talking about?
Hubs: We just have a natural instinct to slurp the noodles. Our kids did it, so everyone just knows how to slurp them right up.
Me: How does that prove we should eat pasta?
Hubs: I’m just sayin’.
2. He has a way with poopy diapers.
Conversation during a 2-person diaper change:
Me: That diaper pail sure is stinky.
Hubs: Well she’s not exactly pooping out potpourri here.
3. He knows how to make me laugh and feel sexy at the same time.
Lying in bed last night, reviewing the day’s details, as hubs is running his hand over my stomach (ack!) and hip bone.
Hubs: Your skin is so soft. (begins poking my hip bone) Wait! Why is it so hard?
Me: That’s my hip bone. They’re supposed to be hard.
Hubs: But it’s sooo hard.
Me: I realize you haven’t been able to feel my bones through my fat layers for the last two years, but it’s still there.
Hubs: If you say so.
4. He has no fear of home remodeling jobs.
Watching an episode of Flip or Flop on HGTV. One of the former owners must have been really pissed off because they poured concrete in the toilets and bathtubs.
Hubs: If it’s just Quikrete, they can probably just snake it out. Doesn’t take much to break that up.
I’m still laughing. But only because it didn’t happen to me.
5. He has a great sense of comedic timing.
Late night conversation on daylight savings time eve:
Me: I forgot to set all the clocks ahead.
Hubby: Are you afraid you’ll be late for work tomorrow?
6. Taking care of his body is no laughing matter.
Standing outside today, I noticed my husband’s ankle looked a little funny. I reached down and realized his skin is soooo dry that it’s practically cracking.
Me: Your skin is so dry!
Him: Why? Did you see the scratches on my leg?
Me: You mean where you scratched it with your fingernails?
Him: But I least I have fingernails!
Him: Hey, let’s look at the positive side of this.
7. He knows how to accept attention from women not married to him.
Hubs: These women on Twitter are really concerned about me.
Me: What are you talking about?
Hubs: At least 10 times a day someone asks me, “You horny, hun?”
Me: And are you?
Hubs: Why? What’d you have in mind?
8. He’s super helpful when the babies get sick.
Annie clambers into our bed around 2 a.m. She starts making vomit noises, and he springs out of bed like a sprinter off the block. He immediately grabs the clean underwear off the hope chest at the foot of our bed and flings it at me.
Me: Why did you do that???
Hubs: It was all I could find in the dark.
9. He makes me feel wanted in a kinda, sorta sexy way.
Looking at my blog stats, including where it shows search terms used to find my site.
Me: One of them is “wife sharing.” I don’t remember talking about that in the blog.
Hubs: Wife sharing, huh? I’m not sharing. I’m a greedy bastard.
10. He can explain boy biology to our daughter and only giggle one or two or thirty thousand times.
Annie discovered that daddy has a different “bottom” than the girls in the house. One night as he sat on the couch, she goosed him through his shorts, which made him jump and she thought was hilarious. REALLY hilarious, enough to keep doing it. Repeatedly.
That prompted a “Do we tell her it’s a penis?” conversation.
Fast forward to later that night, as Annie watched her daddy pee into the potty, and the conversation that ensued:
Is your husband/boyfriend/significant other pretty funny? Share some stories in the comments!